Furry Eyes and Snow Patches

Wednesday. 8:15am. Vibrate Day.

It's a Vitamin C day. Far away seems last week, a little bump in the road I would say in the scheme of things. In fact time seems to have fast forwarded as last week the mountains and tree tops stretched out in the glory of summer breeze and sunsets in Tahoe...this morning we woke up to winter snow covered mountains.

I left off last Thursday morning, saying "wish me luck". Got no luck, I was in for it. I guess looking back now it's all but a small bump in the road. But at the time I felt like my head was shriveling up into a pea size and my eyes were about to explode. My first bout of nausea overwhelmed me. I have never had nausea from chemo until last Thursday. I hit a fever of 102.2. My poor mother walked back and forth mumbling "maybe we should go to emergency". Somehow I was able to utter the words, "no, can't. Let's just wait". As much as I felt like I was dieing, I also felt that I was going through the process of having cancerous cells explode in my body.

I heard myself saying to myself, the same thing I say to Kelli, my step-daughter after she's had a terrible night, or she seems like all is lost..."go to sleep, tomorrow is a new day". So after taking a freezing shower, my fever dropped, I slept.

I awoke the next day at about 8am, a new day, a new Margot. It had passed. Friday: Sister, Brian, dad, Enzo and Portia coming...Mike also flying in. Ahhh, I can enjoy NOT getting up to get in the car and drive an hour and half away...No more highway 395 for the next few days. Enzo's little voice stays in my head now, whenever I feel terrible I just think of his rules "No kwaying...no 'itting...no kwaying...no 'itting" (no crying and no hitting).

So that brings us to today. Wednesday. Monday's being my "pass out day", I'll say that this last Monday went very smoothly. I did get home at about 4pm to crawl in bed and stay there until the next day. The weather is starting to change, this morning we woke up to white patches on the ground, not the hard heavy snow but the snow that is so light and powdery. The sky is a brilliant blue. I've started the fireplace.

My mother continues to amaze me. Constantly making me a juice every hour. I've been told to drink green apple and carrot juice every hour while I'm awake by the doctor. She carries a juicer with he to the clinic. She's amazing alright, I called her the Carrot Lady the other day, and then the Green Apple Monster - now she's just the Nazi Juice Lady...constantly shoving the 8 oz in my face and saying "tomatelo hijita - no seas fregada!" (drink it dear, don't be a pain in the ass). The epitome of my mother, a hard ass and sweeter than apple pie. Yuck - bad analogy. The thought of the color green or orange just makes me want to puke! My eyes have become furry and I'm starting to grow bunny ears.

I can't help but think today is my dear girlfriends birthday, and how I so desperately want her to enjoy her dinner tonight doubly the amount she would on a normal seating...in ecstasy with the richness of whatever complex flavors your mouth can catch. In your words, I hope you have a party in your mouth - because I sure as hell can't!



XOXOX